Peer Edit Peter Bryan

1. Is there a clear point of view? (position)
The point of view, I am not sure of but the contraversy is over the fighting sioux.

2. Does the Op-Ed state the problem and solution simply?
I beleive the symbol for UND is going to change because indians find it offensive.

3. Does the piece address the counter arguments?
No, not really the story is based behind students of ND and nothing from the indian side. He could describe why it is the indians do not like the symbol and find it offensive.

4. Is the Op-Ed interesting?
Yes, the story is interesting and well written. Ill give him an A-

5. Are the paragraphs organized logically?
Yes

6. Does each paragraph develop an idea to support the thesis?
Each paragraph dovelopes an idea and does expand on the thesis.

7. Is the writing clear?
Yes, the story is easy to understand.

Peer Edit Jack Sullivan

1. Is there a clear point of view? (position)
Yes, there is.

2. Does the Op-Ed state the problem and solution simply?
Yes, it does. He explains why there are so many cops.

3. Does the piece address the counter arguments?
In ways yes it does.

4. Is the Op-Ed interesting?
Yes, it catches my attention because Ive been wondering why there has been more cops.

5. Are the paragraphs organized logically?
Yes

6. Does each paragraph develop an idea to support the thesis?
Yes.

7. Is the writing clear?
Yes.

Is speeding a big problem in todays econemy? What about drugs and alcohol? Why does it seem to take police so long to get to an accident? Have you ever wondered why there are so many more cops on duty now than there has been the past couple years? Speeding, drugs and alcohol is the main cause to this problem. Also, not to forget, the police need their money so of course their going to be glad to cover more shifts. There are over 100,000 traffic violations per day in the U.S. which amounts to over 41,000,000 traffic tickets per year. We believe that getting a speeding ticket or recieving a ticket for anything wont slow down speeders or disobey the law. Over 95% of people who receive a speeding ticket decide to just pay the fine instead of going to court for it. That, right there, pretty much explains the reason why people just keep on receiving tickets because to alot of people paying the fine isn't a big deal. If people really cared then they would be going to court for this kind of stuff instead of paying the ticket. The average amount of time it takes for police to show up to an accident or emergency call is approxametly 15 minutes but can extend to around 30 minutes depending on where you are. Too long, to arrive for an emergency report. What if the person is dying and the police are there but the ambulence hasnt showed up yet? Do the police know what to do in case a situation like that occurs?

Pre Writing Perspective Paper w/ Jack Sullivan

1. That to many cops are sitting around trying to catch someone making a minor traffic violation. then actually protecting and serving the community.

2. I do believe that there are too many cops looking for speeders.

3. The reason why is that we feel more cops should be protecting me and not trying to give me a traffic violation.

4. 1. The amount of drug use has gone up, so more cops have been hired.
2. The percentage of people that have recieved a traffic violation in the past year.
3. The amount of time it takes for them to show up for an accident compared to a traffic violation.
4. That the city just wants their money for the ticket. They dont actually care about the violation.
5. To watch for cops and drive more carefull.

6. It will reduce the amount of traffric violations and get more cops to focus on drugs and other major offences.

Peer Edit: Jeff C.

1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
You could maybe explain a little bit more about the 2007 and 2008 seasons and what happened.


2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
I would like to know a little bit more about what the difference is between a club and a varsity team. Also, you could use the coaches as a source.




3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work
There really isnt any scene to me but i could deffinetly picture one or think of one for this story. Maybe try to tell about what happened in a game so people can poicture what is happening.




4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.

Peer Edit: Jack S.

1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
You could of possibly added more detail possibly describing what products weren't selling and why Feet Farm is no longer receiving business.


2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Yes, the lead involves us as being the customers of the situation. You had a good amount of sources. Great Job Jack!!



3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
Yes, it could be made a little bit more clearer but I could picture what would be happening in the scene you are describing. The employees standing around with not much to do just chillin.



4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
You could deffinetly explain and talk about if you're worried about getting fired and what your worries are about what could possibly happen to you.

Joey

On Sunday morning, February 1st, everyone’s heart was broken to pieces after finding out about the death of Joey Demarco. “Joey was like a 2nd dad to me,” said Erik Kelly, a junior at Eastview High School. "This tragedy has impacted so many people like you couldn’t imagine. He was a great man that kept his word to any problem or situation and would do anything to help out friends and family. I was at their house practically every day knowing that I was welcome in their home at anytime no matter what day it was. There has been several times where Joey has allowed family friends or whomever he may know to come and stay at their house if that person is having family issues, or needs a place to stay for a couple days. I mean, I know of people who have stayed there for over a 3 week period and Joey would put food on their plate every single night and give him a bed to sleep in until it was time for that person to leave.”

Joey was born in 1959, and raised in Brooklyn, New York as a full blooded Italian. Like Rocky Balboa, Joey was introduced to boxing and became a golden glove boxer at the age of 23. Not only was he tough, he was very loving as well. Besides being married to his wife Lucielle, he also has 6 kids. 2 girls, Noel & Jillian, and 4 boys by the name of: Nick, Michael, Anthony and Joe. Also known as, "The DeMarco's," there will never be a family who holds their name as well as this one. Austin Nelson, a junior at Eastview say's, " I dont know of one person that hasnt heard the name DeMarco. If you bring up the name DeMarco in a conversation they will know who you are speaking of. I've known the DeMarco family since I was a kid. Every time I went to their house they treated me like I was appart of the family and as if I were to live there."

Joey was in the hospital for about 1 month. Nick DeMarco and I are good friends and went to visit him quite often. At first, he was in the Fairview Ridges Hospital in Burnsville. After about 2 weeks he then was transfered to Fairview Sothdale in Edina to get surgery because they had to take out his pacemaker, which was causing a bad staff infection. After the surgery the staff infection didnt go away. The last time I saw Joey was the Saterday night before he passed away. He looked and acted like he was in good condidtion. That night, before Nick and I were about to leave, the nurse came to the waiting room where we were all sitting and said "Joey would like to see Anthony and Kristen" because they were leaving that night to go back to Arizona where they live. They got to the room and Joey told them that he didnt think he was going to live much longer and didnt want them to leave. Anthony and Kristen were only going to be gone a couple days to grab more clothes, check up on the house and there dog and whatnot. On Sunday morning, that next day, I wake up to my phone ringing at about 6:30 A.M. I answer the phone and it was Nick crying. Right as I'm about to ask what was wrong he interupts and says, "My dad died." I was in complete shock and was speechless not knowing what to say or how to respond. Later on that day at the DeMarco household, I asked Gavrel Telkov, a Junior at Eastview High School, "What was running through your head when you found out about Joeys death?" In response he said, "All I know is that he was pretty much my second dad. I cant beleive im standing here in his house, knowing I will never see him in this house ever again." Thats when the tears started rolling down my eyes. Friends and family were standing around talking about Joey and how much of a wonderful man he was and how much he will be missed. R.I.P. Joey DeMarco.

Peer Edit

I edited Jessica Kissner & Brooke Hanegraafs "Voices of Hope" papers.

Feature Story Pre-production

1. Theme Statement: On Sunday morning, February 1st, everyones heart was broken to pieces after finding out about the death of Joey Demarco.



Sources:

1. Nick Demarco

2. Erik Kelly

3. Gavrel Telkov

4. Austin Nelson

5. Anthony Demarco



Questions:

1. What was your most memorable moment with Joey Demarco?

2. What was running through your mind when you found out about Joeys death?

3. Where was your dad born and raised?

4. What was he interested in?

5. How did his death impact you and/or your family?